Four Steps to Setting Better Boundaries

Want Better Relationships? Get Better at Setting Boundaries!

Contributed by: Marsheena Murray, PhD | Psychology

Setting good boundaries with everyone from coworkers to friends and family members is the key to healthy relationships. Not sure how to make your needs clear? We have four steps for setting boundaries the healthy way.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month — the ideal time to find ways to protect your own mental well-being. One way to do that is to make clear to those around you what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, also known as setting boundaries, says Marsheena Murray, PhD, a MetroHealth child clinical psychologist.

“Boundaries are invisible and realistic limits you place on relationships in your life that you want to improve,” Dr. Murray says. “It’s not about being mean or strict but about helping you improve your emotional health, decrease stress and avoid burnout if you’re doing too much for others and not enough for yourself.”

Remember the four steps by the letters D.E.A.R.:

D = Describe the situation.

Let’s say you’re calling a friend to talk about a shared struggle, and they make the situation about them. You could say, “When I call to vent about a problem I’m dealing with, you tend to make it about yourself.”

E = Express your feelings.

You may say, “When this happens, I feel hurt, sad or unheard.”

A = Assert what you want.

In the situation above, you may ask, “If I call to vent, please let me finish what I have to say and focus on my situation for at least 10 minutes.”

R = Reinforce why they should honor your boundary.

Explain how it can help your relationship. You may say something like, “If you listen to me vent uninterrupted, it will help me feel like you care, and that will strengthen our friendship.”

“If the person cares about you and wants you in their life, they should be able to respect your boundaries,” says Dr. Murray.

How can MetroHealth help?
Sometimes, we all need help navigating relationships. MetroHealth’s mental health professionals can offer the guidance you need. You don’t need to have a mental health diagnosis to talk to someone. Life is hard for everybody, and we all need more support.